My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your word. (Psalm 119:28 NAS95)
I called on Sunday and the phone just played a message. I called again on Monday, again, no answer. Then, late in the day, my younger brother called. Dad had passed away.
Two weeks earlier my dad had called, we chatted, and he said, “I don’t think I am going to be here much longer.” I put that thought aside, and said, “Dad, you have great genes, you’ve got a while yet.” We chatted a bit more and then said good-bye. Little did I know that would be the last time we spoke.
My wife had been in the US to help our daughter move, and while there, they visited my dad. She returned in late August, and she reported that my dad had been different, and she didn’t expect him to live much longer. I put that thought aside too. Denial of reality on my part, but God knew I needed to know. She reminded me again after the call I had had with my dad.
Nonetheless, I found myself, with my wife on a plane back to Texas to officiate the funeral. I asked God, will I grieve? I had a great relationship with my dad and when we (my family) traveled to the US for home ministry assignments, we spent a lot of time with him. Yet I carried this question because most of my life prior to graduating college carried the color of his alcoholism. The question had a real space in my life regarding my dad. God knew it too.
I remember reviewing my dad’s life, writing the memorial, and creating the slide show. Tears of grief came. Even the moments clouded by the alcoholism contributed to the tears. God let me know I needed to grieve, to let go, and to realize my dad was also a gift. Whether all the moments were beautiful or not, they were all gift, and God used them to shape me, even before I trusted in Jesus.
I had to pause and hold tears back as I shared at the memorial. Greif gave me a gift of healing and answered my question: Yes, you’ll grieve your dad. You need to. God opened that door for blessing and gratitude to arrive. Blessing for the gift of my dad and gratitude for how God infused that relationship with significance because of Christ’s work in me. Necessary impressions from grief.
For Reflection:
“I said to the LORD, “You are my Lord; I have no good besides You.”” (Psalm 16:2 NAS95)
- How did God meet you in grief over a loved one?
- What gifts, once grief had its way through your soul, did God open your eyes to?
